You can take care of yourself only when you know you are suffering from a disease called schizophrenia. You then know that some of your thoughts and perceptions are just a result of that illness and are not true. Your fears are baseless as they are being projected as such by the malfunctioning of a certain part of your brain. All you need to do is to stay strong enough to counter those negative thoughts, anxiety and fears.
Don't Leave Faith - Trust Someone With Everything
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| Trust is what drives our world; But be sure you are not exploited! |
Some of you may be atheists. I am not asking you to change your perception of God and start praying. That is not possible easily unless you get to see some miracle. I don't know much about these things so let us leave this topic of atheism and theism. But you do need to trust someone - as explained in the next few para.
The idea behind sharing is to be notified immediately when your behavior, thoughts and mentality starts changing. This could be better achieved if you confide in someone - telling the person you suspect you may acquire schizophrenia. That will make the other party keep a better vigil on you. In some cases, this may lead to what we call - breach of personal space.
You need to find people who are understanding and won't force their opinions on you. It is difficult but not impossible. You need to hunt for such people while you are still sane and in control of your thoughts/fears to some or more extent!
Question is, how do you know if your thoughts are wrong? How to identify true from false? How to know that a certain incident is just a matter of improper perception? There is no computing table as far as I know.
I got my first episode in 1994 when I would stay up all night fearing the unknown. I don't remember what I used to do during the daytime. Probably, I slept throughout as there was no college. Luckily, or rather, by the grace of my God, I was out in a week or so.
My people did not even know I suffered such an episode. I am introvert and generally keep my problems to myself and my God. Mom was already under medications and was sleeping most of the time and dad was always in office.
Question is, how do you know if your thoughts are wrong? How to identify true from false? How to know that a certain incident is just a matter of improper perception? There is no computing table as far as I know.
I got my first episode in 1994 when I would stay up all night fearing the unknown. I don't remember what I used to do during the daytime. Probably, I slept throughout as there was no college. Luckily, or rather, by the grace of my God, I was out in a week or so.
My people did not even know I suffered such an episode. I am introvert and generally keep my problems to myself and my God. Mom was already under medications and was sleeping most of the time and dad was always in office.
Point is:
- how to note when your behavior starts changing;
- when your thoughts start making you aggressive, suspicious and fearful;
- when the voices you hear do not exist at all or are just a noise somewhere around you; and
- when the things you see do not exist or you simply saw a malformed view of something - due to distorted information processing by the brain
FIRST STEP TO FIGHT SCHIZOPHRENIA:
SHARE YOUR THOUGHTS
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| Find Someone Who Believes You! |
You need someone to trust your secrets with. It can be your partner, friends, parents and even your children. But when dealing with small kids (the ones still in development phase), I would not recommend passing on your fears to them. That is what my mom did and I believed everything she said - eventually ruining my own thought process.
I don't blame her as she did not know what she was doing, plus it was the weakness of my own brain that could not come out of those fears victorious. It was passed on to her by an orthodox family that still believes a lemon has greater role in proper functioning of a vehicle compared to quality of gas and engine oil.
In my case, I share things with my brother and some other friends - via text and emails. It is not always easy to share your thoughts and fear with others directly (face to face) as you always have a fear that others may lose interest in you or may start ignoring you. If they do ignore you, forget them and move to other people. Would be difficult but remember, you need support.
Sometimes, you may not be able to gather enough courage to talk face to face about these fears and thoughts. Technology is a blessing in such cases.
Friends are the best option as they tend to accept you in whatever way you are and if you hurt them with your behavior, instead of moving out of your life, they will tell you that you have hurt them, giving you a chance to apologize as well as to reflect on your position with an eye on schizophrenia. If you have such friends, you are lucky.
You can also try and find people online on social networking sites. It IS possible you may get compassionate people who will want to help you when you post anything depressing. That, in turn, will help you realize you have been going the wrong way and may help to quickly correct yourself.
A Little Off Topic But Can Help With Employment/Business...
I found many websites where business gurus say keep your personal and business accounts different. I tried that earlier but realized my chances of long lasting relations with clients will improve if they know about my mental state. If they know I am a patient of depression and introvert, they won't mind much if I fail to pick up their call at some time. They would, instead, send a text inquiring about my health.
This does not mean I skip deadlines or provide poor quality work. I have flexible schedules so that projects are completed on time even if I skip few hours due to anxiety or depression. I do not know if this is applicable to all or if I am lucky to have such clients.
I will neither endorse nor reject the idea of explaining your clients/boss about your mental health. The decision lies with you. You may try it with one or two clients or in case of jobs, confide in your immediate boss and see if it works. At most, you may lose a client or two or in case of job, get transferred to a different team!
Strangers Can Help Too...
Another method to know your behavior is changing is to note others' attitude towards you. If it changes negatively, you may conclude you have been doing something wrong. Do not depend on only one opinion. See if more than one person says the same thing.
When I was undergoing the schizophrenic episode, some said I need to learn to be civilized while others said I am too rude. And these were strangers whom I offended outside home! Result? I knew I have been overpowered by schizophrenia and started focusing on improvements. Since it was very initial stage, I was out in no time.
The final part of this series deals with how to cope and control schizophrenia so that it does not affect your normal life. You will be affected as the disease is bad, very bad. But with some precautions and a little outside help, you should be able to treat schizophrenia to control it and lead a normal life. The fundamental point is, don't give up otherwise it will be a fall from where, climbing up would be very difficult.
In memory of Nirmala, the kid who never grew up
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